Last weekend was really bitter sweet for me. It brought back a lot of strong feelings. For a long time, I don't think I've really let myself feel anything. I just keep trucking along, trying to stay busy and grow in everything I do, from guitar, dance, work, DJing, ect ect. Every moment is just the next task, something to keep me creatively busy. Reflecting on it seems I live quite a lonely life, but I've not really noticed. Its amazing sometimes how after so long, people don't really change, and feelings you had over 5 years ago can just come crashing back full force like they never went away. I can't decide whether or not to just bury it again and keep doing what I do. There's probably not a lot I can do anyway. The universe loves to play games with me.
My trip to NYC was really good. I was so tired at the end, but it was really good to see my old friends and a few new ones. I really miss my time in college with my band/friends. I started getting really serious about guitar again since December and am really enjoying it. After everything that happened this weekend, I decided to start writing again. Whether or not its a smart thing to do is still up in the air. Its been a long time and everything I was feeling really inspired me. I even decided to start chronicling my guitar, from all the songs I've written to all the songs I learn.
Its strange. This is one of the few times I really don't know what to do. Now I know why I don't let myself feel things haha. I guess all I can do is be patient and keep doing my best to enjoy life and keep doing my best to be a good person. Why is it we only worry about the things in life that we have no control over.
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