And when is it ok to let anger control you? Lately I've been feeling more and more negative energy in my life, from drama with other people, to frustrations driving, to just being in a sour mood sometimes. Where does this all come from?
I think anger is a very important emotion, it can be an empowerment to people. But when your anger effects those around you in a negative way, then anger becomes a problem. Then what if your anger spreads to those around you, and they spread it, and numerous problems have been created for many people. This is a difficult thing to understand, especially when you are in the throws of anger. When something is bothering you, it's all you can think about. What if this anger creates other things in your life, more sources of anger. It seems like you've entered a downward spiral in your life. Its difficult to control. Am I falling down the spiral? I don't know, but I feel a lot of anger in my life recently.
How do you control it, when the mere presence of a person can anger you and ruin your vibe? Even if this person is deserving of anger, why do I let it get to me so much? Why do I continue the spread of negative energy? How can I let it go? I've already decided to train harder with that anger, but that so far hasn't abated it. It would be one thing if I could just battle this person and get it over with, but I truly don't feel I'm ready or even close to that level, and if I'm called out, I won't back down, but I don't have the confidence to make the first move. Sure that can be an underlying goal, but to dwell on something like this cannot be healthy.
What is it to hate someone? No one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, everyone makes mistakes. Most people who do bad do not realize their folly. They are so caught up in themselves, they don't consider the ramifications to others. I also can be like this, but I do not want to be. Just because the negative energy has been directed at me can I be angry? On the other hand when someone attacks you just because they are stronger, and they need an out, and you are there, wouldn't you have the right to be upset?
What is forgiveness? Can you forgive someone when they are not sorry, or feel they've done nothing wrong? I'm not a very forgiving person. I feel people can change, but I don't think change is instant, and especially if someone doesn't try to make amends, how can I give forgiveness?
What is this post for? I dunno, trying to sort out my thoughts. I'm really tired of being angry, and that's not who I really am. I want to find a way to let it go in a positive way. I'm going to continue to work out my aggressions through dance, maybe some other options will make themselves be known. Although I really enjoy some things in the big city, some things really get to me, and don't help my situation. Maybe I need a vacation, I dunno. Things will get better tho.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
When the shit hits the fan....
You find out who your true friends are. So this past few weeks a lot of drama has been going on. The issue has been "squashed," so I'm not going to go in any specific details about who or what happened, but from everything in your life its important to take a lesson from all bad and good experiences. This last week I learned who my real friends are in this area. I learned a few people whom I cannot trust, and am better off for it.
I'm really glad to have people like Russ and house in my life and on the dance scene here. Its few occasions in my life I trust someone completely. When they stood up for me, without knowing 100% of the details of everything, it was very heartwarming to know that they trusted me as well and have my back.
To be honest the whole situation had me more angry than I've been in a really long time. And at times I was beginning to question myself, but through the support of my friends I kept it all together. Especially during the battle it was hard to stay in control. But my respect and faith in Russ allowed me to keep my cool.
I also got to see another good friend over the weekend. My boy Akshat from college came to DC for a conference so I got to spend a few days with him. We also had some interesting times. More drama actually. But the way we handled it was in true accordance with our ways, "Love, Truth, Honor." Basically our other friend was hanging out with us. We were looking for a pub to just go and chill, not a club, somewhere where we could talk. Our 3rd friend had brought one of his colleagues along who was already pretty drunk and obnoxious. We couldn't find a bar in Dupont so we went into Andolus because it wasn't crowded at all. This "unknown" person decided it was ok to steal drinks from people, and got caught. I was pretty mad that a grown man would be doing stupid things like that. Worse, he wouldn't even own up to it and buy the guy a drink. I apologized to the guy for this unknown person and bought them drinks and grabbed my friends and we left before more crap happened. After about 5 more minutes of this guy being an asshole, Aki and I decided to ditch him because we were looking bad by association, and honestly I don't want to even deal with people who act like that.
Ok, I'm done witchyall
Half
I'm really glad to have people like Russ and house in my life and on the dance scene here. Its few occasions in my life I trust someone completely. When they stood up for me, without knowing 100% of the details of everything, it was very heartwarming to know that they trusted me as well and have my back.
To be honest the whole situation had me more angry than I've been in a really long time. And at times I was beginning to question myself, but through the support of my friends I kept it all together. Especially during the battle it was hard to stay in control. But my respect and faith in Russ allowed me to keep my cool.
I also got to see another good friend over the weekend. My boy Akshat from college came to DC for a conference so I got to spend a few days with him. We also had some interesting times. More drama actually. But the way we handled it was in true accordance with our ways, "Love, Truth, Honor." Basically our other friend was hanging out with us. We were looking for a pub to just go and chill, not a club, somewhere where we could talk. Our 3rd friend had brought one of his colleagues along who was already pretty drunk and obnoxious. We couldn't find a bar in Dupont so we went into Andolus because it wasn't crowded at all. This "unknown" person decided it was ok to steal drinks from people, and got caught. I was pretty mad that a grown man would be doing stupid things like that. Worse, he wouldn't even own up to it and buy the guy a drink. I apologized to the guy for this unknown person and bought them drinks and grabbed my friends and we left before more crap happened. After about 5 more minutes of this guy being an asshole, Aki and I decided to ditch him because we were looking bad by association, and honestly I don't want to even deal with people who act like that.
Ok, I'm done witchyall
Half
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Updates 2 and 2nd wizards game
Things have been going pretty good for me I guess. Been having trouble trying to get my crew organized. It seems like everyone is kind of doing their own thing, which is good in a way, but I would like for us to train more as a team. I was trying to get everyone organized so we could at least train together once a week, but no one seems to have their heart in it. For this reason I decided to step my individual game up twice as much. I will not be battling in any real crew battles with CAB until we get a squad training together. Halfstep comes to win! I have been able to hang out more with some crew members I don't see quite often and that has been a blessing however.
Speaking of stepping my game up. In the height of my frustration I decided to go underground. This lasted about a week, but I did do a lot of training alone at the gym and it seems to help a lot. I'm going to try to do it at least twice a week. It helps me focus on creating new things rather than just cleaning what I know. But now that Russ dug me up, I can't stay underground. I'm still going to try to play a little low key.
Last night I had my 2nd wizards game, and it was really fun. I finally hit my set near flawless, and the crowd seemed to like it. I think the most fun part of the wizards game is practicing/cyphering in the corner during the game. We get to meet some of the other performers for the team and they are really cool. We went out twice in the game. The first time we had planned on what we were going to do, but the 2nd time we decided everyone should just go all out. Going all out for 3 minutes is a TOUGH thing to do. By the end i was dieing haha. I think next time we should plan both sections so we look cleaner.
Last week I danced at a party in cafe asia. When I first heard of it I wasn't so excited, but goof asked me to do it, and doing events with goof is always a good time. Performing at the battle I had to battle LoZ(lionz of zion) and goof. I didn't have my crew with me, it was just me Aaron the impaler and a few cats from VA. It was kinda whack cause we got destroyed, but that didn't stop me from going out 1000%. I discovered when I'm in a battle I cannot win, I get really angry and go out 10 times as hard. The party itself was really fun. I met a lot of new people, which I think was something I've needed for a while now. Hopefully I can do some more new parties soon. The gogo dancers they had at the party were really cool!
Been trying to get back into discovering new music lately. Since I discovered Nujabes(if you haven't heard of him CHECK HIM OUT), I've been looking for new sounds. For years I've been so tired of music. Its difficult to find something good. The recording industries seem to want you to listen to the same 5 songs 800 times per day. These songs have no musicality, and all they talk about is sex, violence, being a thug, and how cool it is to waste your money on bling and gold teeth. That's why it took me so long to even discover hip hop. Its sad these clowns are making bank while REAL artists are struggling. So I've been looking for new hip hop artists with more jazz influences. Someone who puts more thought into their beats, and especially their lyrics.
Been slacking off a bit in my nerd training, gotta step that up soon. If only there was more time in the day... I'll get back to it soon though.
ummmmm ya, so thats whats up
Peace
Halfstep
Speaking of stepping my game up. In the height of my frustration I decided to go underground. This lasted about a week, but I did do a lot of training alone at the gym and it seems to help a lot. I'm going to try to do it at least twice a week. It helps me focus on creating new things rather than just cleaning what I know. But now that Russ dug me up, I can't stay underground. I'm still going to try to play a little low key.
Last night I had my 2nd wizards game, and it was really fun. I finally hit my set near flawless, and the crowd seemed to like it. I think the most fun part of the wizards game is practicing/cyphering in the corner during the game. We get to meet some of the other performers for the team and they are really cool. We went out twice in the game. The first time we had planned on what we were going to do, but the 2nd time we decided everyone should just go all out. Going all out for 3 minutes is a TOUGH thing to do. By the end i was dieing haha. I think next time we should plan both sections so we look cleaner.
Last week I danced at a party in cafe asia. When I first heard of it I wasn't so excited, but goof asked me to do it, and doing events with goof is always a good time. Performing at the battle I had to battle LoZ(lionz of zion) and goof. I didn't have my crew with me, it was just me Aaron the impaler and a few cats from VA. It was kinda whack cause we got destroyed, but that didn't stop me from going out 1000%. I discovered when I'm in a battle I cannot win, I get really angry and go out 10 times as hard. The party itself was really fun. I met a lot of new people, which I think was something I've needed for a while now. Hopefully I can do some more new parties soon. The gogo dancers they had at the party were really cool!
Been trying to get back into discovering new music lately. Since I discovered Nujabes(if you haven't heard of him CHECK HIM OUT), I've been looking for new sounds. For years I've been so tired of music. Its difficult to find something good. The recording industries seem to want you to listen to the same 5 songs 800 times per day. These songs have no musicality, and all they talk about is sex, violence, being a thug, and how cool it is to waste your money on bling and gold teeth. That's why it took me so long to even discover hip hop. Its sad these clowns are making bank while REAL artists are struggling. So I've been looking for new hip hop artists with more jazz influences. Someone who puts more thought into their beats, and especially their lyrics.
Been slacking off a bit in my nerd training, gotta step that up soon. If only there was more time in the day... I'll get back to it soon though.
ummmmm ya, so thats whats up
Peace
Halfstep
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