Forgiveness

For some reason this morning I had a really random thought this morning.  I'm not adept at following holidays.  I didn't even know until a few days ago that Easter was this weekend.  I've always gotten a little frustrated/disenfranchised at how commercial and meaningless holidays have become, so I generally don't pay too much attention.  Being so far away from my family, I don't often get to celebrate with them other than a call to my Mother/Father and some of my Aunts.  So for the most part most holidays just feel like any other day to me. 

This morning I was just thinking about Easter and it's meaning and thinking about my life.  I've never been good with forgiveness.  I've been stepped on a lot in my life and growing up through that I've become quite skillful at cutting people out of my life and have a tendency to hold a grudge.  I don't focus my life around these feelings and generally focus on doing positive things, but  I think they still can dwell deep inside my heart and wreak havoc unnoticed.

Once I realized this I made a conscious decision to try to let these things go.  No one is perfect, especially not myself.  I'm not saying that I'm going to let people walk over me or that I won't continue to stand up for what I think is right.  I'm saying that holding grudges and cutting people out of your life won't solve anything.  It won't change anyone else and it won't make your life any better.  Everyone has some positive aspects and hatred can only block exchange between people.  You cannot change others, you can only change yourself.  This is one of my core beliefs.  Another is that to change the world you have to set the example.  If I cut everyone I disagree with out of my life, I can't influence anything.  This is a hard lesson to learn. 

Immediately it felt like some weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  To me this was the true meaning of Easter and in my own way I've celebrated it properly.