San Diego an CSDC

So all month I've been busting my ass to work on choreo for San Diego. Well I been busting my ass for quite some time now...but that's besides the point. There were 2 pieces in paticular that I thought I had a decent chance on. I really wanted to be able to perform with CSCD(cultureshock DC) in san diego for the showcase. I didn't make the cut however. It hurt a lot to have worked so hard and not gotten what I was working for. I was really frustrated and angry at myself. Its easy to think of the unfairness of it all, but that's not really what its about.

For me dance has never came easy as it does for a lot of people. Especially choreography. But my life isn't about only doing those things that I'm good at. Life is a struggle. My dad always used to say if something's worth having its worth fighting for. Just because you fall down, you don't give up. You get up, and you try again. Its not like I wasted all that time training. Everyone on the team has said they've noticed a big improvement in me. Even I have noticed over the past few months, things get a little easier. But I'm still not clean. I don't have the control yet. Because my dance style is BIG, its hard for me to do a lot of small quick things cleanly. But that is my challenge. That is the area of dance that I need to focus on. I'm glad to have gotten the feedback from csdc.

I know it hurt, and it sucks for me to be the only person on the team going to san diego and not performing, but I welcome it. Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. Kate has a good saying that there is no comfort in progress and there is no progress in comfort. I know it would be easy for me to have just not gone. But I want to be part of the team. Even if it hurts, I will go and support my team, otherwise am I really part of the team? You have to give to get. In the beginning when I first joined culture shock, I didn't really understand that. I was always so frustrated and always felt so far behind, and felt that no one accepted me. But was I leaving myself open and trying? Maybe not hard enought.

I've always been pretty shy, but thats not the problem. Even if I'm not the best dancer or best leader, there are ways that I can contribute to the team. I've realized that as of late and decided to be more proactive on the team. Specifically in my nerdiness. I'm going to try to help organize the team more on the tech side and help with their website. Eventually I will get the choreography part. Eventually I will perform with my team. These things I know, because halfstep doesn't quit....