Back to the Future

So coming back to Knox for graduation. As time goes on its a strange thing. Seeing old friends has been great. Surprising people who thought they wouldn't see me anymore, catching up. But somehow I feel different inside. I feel like I'm experiencing an old life, going back to another time in my life. In these past two years since college I have grown and changed so much. I've found my dream, discovered the reward of fervently chasing it, found more about myself and who I am. So now when I am faced with familiar faces, familiar places, I can't help to feel different.

I had a really great time seeing Yuko and her family again. I think so far that has been the highlight of the trip. We had homemade sushi from Reiko, it was really good. And I got some Ghana Choco straight from Japan. Her family is really nice, and although I scrapped my Japan trip for the summer, it really makes me wish I could afford the money and time to go back.

But other people I see, it feels like they haven't changed. Maybe I'm being too scrupulous or whatever. Maybe they will be blessed enough to find themselves in these coming years as I have to have found myself. But I feel I can't really connect with them anymore. It makes you think a lot.

I went to one of the old bars that kids from my old school go to. It was whack as usual. All I could think about when I was there was about how much I wanted to break. I kept daydreaming russ, rain, or kate were there to start a cypher with me. But I just top rocked in the corner. No one in my town understands bboying. Its almost like being in a foreign country where no one can understand you.

I know I've had my bouts with being depressed about dc and wanting to try somewhere new. But being back home really makes me miss DC. Makes me miss the new people that I've been blessed to have enter my life.

I tried really hard in college to help my friends. I knew a lot of people heading down destructive paths with partying, drugs, attitudes and what not. To me making a difference is really important. And there have been people I've seen on the better path and doing really well. But to me its so depressing to see those people that are on that same road or even further down it. I guess its not like a failure, people wont change unless they want. But those people are still my friends, and I feel bad.

I guess maybe I have high expectations of everyone, and that leads to being dissapointed a lot. And I've been thinking about that too. But I don't feel I should lower my standards if the world can't keep up. Otherwise I will never make any positive impact in the world. I guess I should be happy that I've helped the few people that I have. And that having my life crossed with theirs has had a positive effect in the world. The road to success is not always the one with the least pain/dissapointment. That however is the road less travelled. I will continue to walk this trail in my life ever faithful that it will lead to a better place.